Dear Maddie,

I wrote my daughter a note today. I could have been writing it to myself. Today was her first day of soccer.  For all of the bravado this little gal has - she sometimes has a hard time. Kinda like me. 

It started out this morning.  She was crying and scared to start soccer.  We did not force her to play. In fact, she asked us to play. Many of her friends play. We sat out the Fall session and opted for a Spring start.  The disadvantage is that she is joining an existing team.  We picked up her uniform this morning when Michael was playing.  She came home and excitedly got herself dressed.  I thought it was going to be fine. It started out fine.

She started the practice drills - she got a ball in the face. It went downhill.  Like crazy glue that will not peel off your fingers, Maddie clung to me with tears streaming down her face. 

Her coaches were fantastic. Her brother was so super supportive. Her entourage of fans - my mom, dad, Michael, Michael and I all tried to work magic and calm her down.

It would have been easy to leave. I felt it was not ok to leave. I told Maddie she did not have to play. She did not have to have fun. But she did have to support her team.  As long as she was here - with her red shirt on - she was to support her team. She could stay on the side lines - but she needed to be there for the team.  I told her we would come back each week so she could support her team - and when she was ready...if she was ready..she could join the game. 

It broke my heart.  I could have been telling myself - you do not need to go to the overnight gymnastics camp, you do not need to go to the 4H weekend, you do not need to go to the 8th grade dance with Mark what's his name - but you might, just might, miss out on some fun. I could be telling myself - if you think this is scary get ready because soccer is the least of your worries. So kick now with all of your strength - to show you have it in you for the real challenges.

Try as they might - she did not want to go in the game.  But right towards the end - the coach's daughter Maddie came up to my Maddie. She said "Hi Mini Maddie, it's ok."  This adorable 3rd grade girl made my Maddie smile. The coach allowed his Maddie to take my Maddie on the field. They held hands and ran together and kicked the ball. My daughter - though she could not realize it - had a glimpse of her future Maddie-self being strong.  This 3rd grade Maddie showed me a strength I did not have at that age. I am thankful for her today.  She finished the game and the coaches had her lead the line of handshakes. 

I came home and wrote me gal a note.  I put it on her bed where she would find it. It may seem beyond her years - but she is beyond her years.  She carries a lot in her heart - like me - and I know that it is a lot sometimes.  She read the note all by herself - and she thanked me. Not once, but many times.  I did not do it for thanks - I did it because I know how she feels. I know how scary it is to be brave and fearful all at the same time.


My dear Maddie,


I am proud of you for trying today. Sometimes things are scary - but real courage comes from trying and getting in the game. All my love, Mom xoxo

Happy Easter - almost

Easter Egg Roll - 2010

The minute Maddie sees the Bunny she pops her shades on like she is on the red carpet.

Happy Easter! Big news on the cake front..This Takes the Cake has been taken over by The Cake Spot.  As you know, I am a cake person...we are a cake family. My mom found out about the new cake place when she was driving by.  She decided to order a cake for us as part of our Easter celebration.  She tried to make it a surprise but decided to tell.  She loves surprises - but also thrills in telling the surprise - so it is sometimes a half surprise. Sometimes I am not sure if I am still supposed to act surprised. It is as much fun watching her joy as it is having my own.

My mom went to pick up the cake before Easter.  My phone rang.  She called to tell me about the cake.  I am not sure if she was adhering to Oprah's no phone zone pledge or if the cake was just so shocking to her that she decided to pull over and call.  I am going with the cake was too shocking.

I know.  Cake is cake - right? Not really.  I do not want to trivialize this but cake means different things to different people.  My mom gets flashed back to her New Bedford days. Of her dog Saxie sneaking the surprise cake under the dining room table. Of birthday celebrations, creme horns, and memories of her old whaling home on Pope Street. Of birthday celebrations and family. Of cousins and laughter.

None of those celebrations had kelly green frosting (yes, her words!) and orange and yellow frosting writing a wild version of Happy Easter! None of those cakes had roses in florescent.  None of those cakes looked like a Mexican Pinata.

Tomorrow we will eat the "new" cake.  We might miss our old cake. We might in our hearts, by reminded of other celebrations that we have enjoyed cake together.  And deep inside, we just might feel sad that you can never go back...and we may realize it is much more than cake.

Happy Easter!