Growth

One of my favorite things this summer is our garden. So Fresh. So Simple. So Perfect. So Unpredictable and Predictable all at the same time.

I always delight in "harvesting" our vegetables. I am always amazed at the growth. I seems obvious that plants grow. But I get stuck on the miracle of it. How one day there is no tomato - the next I am eating it right off the vine. That the freshest of vegetables are now on our plates.

It is the stuff that prayers are made of. Bless us, oh Lord, for these thy gifts we are about to receive through thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.

Maybe it is because I work in a catholic school and church - and that this blessing is said at every meal, but I feel blessed to have the bounty. I have a spotlight shining on my bounty and how fortunate I am. We are. We are fortunate for the growth. And it goes far beyond the vegetables.

The spotlight has shined on a lot of this week. I have had to pause and take a deep breath. I am seeing my own growth amidst a very difficult situation. I have been tested. I am still in the middle of the test.

I know in my heart that I will grow. No - this is not life or death, no this is not illness, no this is not my worst day with MS, and Yes, I will get through the valley. Maybe only after I see the gift in it.

Crab Hunters!

Summer is in full swing! We are blessed with wonderful friends and family and together we have enjoyed many full days of swimming at the beach, boating to the spit, and splashing at the pool.

I remember days like this from when I was younger. I spent day after day at the beach with my cousins. We would spend hours hunting for crabs in a large rocky section of the beach in the town I grew up in.

We would build crab hospitals - we would search in the tide pools for the perfect location. We would lift up the rocks and hope for the movement of the water underneath - a sign that a crab was burying itself further in the sand. As if that would stop our young hands from grabbing it.

When we got one we would keep it in the tide pool and we would feed the little fella mussels that we would smash open with rocks.

I can still remember the feeling of the rocks on my feet. The excitement of walking out on the rocks and the slight fear as I wobbled on a seaweed rock. Gripping the rock with my feet to keep steady and avoid a fall. The anticipation of lifting - almost prying up the rock - and looking for the perfect crab. The joy of calling out to the cousins that we found one.

My kids are at the "crab hunter" stage. They get as excited now as I did when I was younger to find and pick up the perfect crab.

And though we go to a different beach now, they have found "their rocks" - they have found their special place of building castles, searching for crabs, and enjoying the ocean. I still get excited when I hear them call. I almost feel that Melissa or Ricky, my cousins, will pop up to see for themselves and join in on the fun.

In a few weeks we will have that joy. The next generation of cousins will be in town to celebrate our cousin's wedding. We will hopefully have a day at the beach - and our kids will share great times together just like the joy and fun the older set shared.

I look forward to laughing and sharing our stories. And I am happy they will have the chance to build their own "cousin stories" as I know first-hand how important they are and how much they fill your soul.

Summer is Officially Here!!

"Star Spangled Cake!!!"

Summer has come in like a lion.  The weather is perfect. Sun, clouds, slight breeze. These are my favorite days. I don't love it when it is overly humid - it feels really crummy on my legs. Thankfully, we will be sunny and breezy this glorious 4th of July Holiday weekend!

We have fun plans this weekend.  Tonight we are boating with our dear friends to see the fireworks in a neighboring town. And tomorrow we are celebrating the holiday at a cookout at the same dear friends home.  They are the most wonderful family.  They have blessed our life with friendship. True. Friendship.  It is not often that you connect with a whole family.  We became friends when our kiddos were in Kindergarten together. They are now entering 4th grade.  Time is passing too fast. I am happy to share these passes with them.

My friend is an inspiration. She can tackle everything. She can plant a bunch of trees, grow a beautiful garden, make a gourmet meal, raise a big family, and still have time to put herself together to turn heads.We have laughed so hard sometimes my sides hurt. I am looking forward to heralding in this wonderful American holiday with them all.

And I would be remiss if I did not mention the "Star-Spangled" Cake she makes. All of the children gather around and sing the "Star-Spangled Banner". Does not get more American than that. And of course, I am crying. Well tearing. I don't want to make a scene with the cry Oprah coined "the ugly cry."

Oh, and speaking of American, my guy is playing baseball this year.  He played in the spring and is now on a Friendship Travel Team.  It has been fun watching him grow and take on this new challenge with such enthusiasm and drive.  He has pitched. I have watched with my eyes half shielded by my spread fingers but wide enough so a can see his smile and leg lift when tossing the ball. In case you are wondering, I remove my hands when he is not pitching.

That makes me sound very competitive. Not in the sports arena. As long as my kiddos have fun, do their best and be team players, I feel that they have already won. I win when they have the courage to get in the game. To me, that is what it is all about.

Here's wishing everyone a Happy 4th! I should probably get more followers since I will be able to tell you all this in person. And even though you ALL are enough - my goal for the second half of the year is to get some advertisers on the blog. Who wouldn't want to share in this slice o'life?

What a Day!

I typically carry my camera with me.  Today - on this beautiful day full o'activities I did not have it.  And I felt it.  I caught myself thinking about it.  How it would be great to capture these moments. 

I started the day early at an appointment. Up and out before the crew even got up.  I then cleaned a little and put away laundry.  Ok, no need for the camera. 

My mom, Maddie and I then went to the Arts Festival in town.  I filled my soul as I reconnected with two people that have truly made a difference in my life. 

I first bumped into a woman I met right after college graduation.  She was running for State Senate and I volunteered to work on her campaign.  The energy of her grass roots campaign electrified me.  I connected with young college grads with the same goal to get this woman into office.  I saw first-hand a bright woman who had her share of adversity in her life go for it.  She was strong in her convictions, smart, educated on the issues, and she was not afraid to take a stand. She did not win. But it confirmed what I learned from my parents.

I grew up in a family that recognized the importance of participation. Of volunteering.  Of stepping up. My parents to this day serve on many boards between them. I don't remember them ever missing a voting day. And though I do not ever remember a time that they told me to participate - they did not need to - they led by example.

I then bumped into a woman near and dear to my heart.  I first met this woman when I worked at Talbots Corporate Headquarters.  I was young.  She took the time to listen. And she probably does not even know, she inspired me.  She was professional and positive, caring and true to herself

Flash forward many years later, we moved to the same town she lives in. I was able to reconnect with her. I delighted seeing her in the grocery store. Even for a minute.  A little laugh in the aisles. 

She is the head of the garden club in town. When my Michael started 3rd grade, I was delighted to see that she offered a Junior Gardener's Club at his school.  Michael loves to plant, so it was a natural fit for him to join.

In the Spring, she was travelling with her husband and she got into a very bad accident. The kind that makes the Today Show.  Her dear husband, another wonderful person, did not make it. It was not certain whether she would.  She did.  She spent months in the hospital states away from here.  The entire community prayed for her and the family. She proved to be one of the strongest women I know.

My dear son wrote her a note.  I was not sure if I should send it at first. I did not want her to be upset.  He wrote it all on his own and it was truly from the heart.  He said - and now as the months have passed - it still gets me.  "I am sorry for your loss.  I know what it feels like, my dog died in November.  I am here for you. Love, Michael"

I sent it because it was so pure.  When I saw her today I asked if she got it.  She said it brought her laughter and tears - because it was so true and so from the heart.  It meant the world to her. I hope she knows she means the world to so many.

And finally, in this long-winded post we had a great beach and boating day! How spoiled are we in this town straight out of a novel!  We are watching our friends sons tonight and they offered to let us use their boat.  Perfect weather to load the kids in the boat and take the brief ride to my favorite beach,  Open to so many  beautiful surroundings. Yet private as you have to arrive by boat. The space is between the town I grew up in and the town I currently live in.

It is directly near the place my grandfather and I used to go clamming.  I clearly remember digging for clams with him for the big clambake he used to have at their home.  The memories are vivid. So close to the surface.  Of all days, today was the anniversary of his funeral eleven years ago. Easy to remember as it falls on my grandmother's birthday. Today she is 91.      

I sat there on the beach thinking what a great day for photos, yet I did not even know how I would capture it. 

I stopped and took mental pictures.  The sea grass blowing in the breeze.  My son and his friend skipping rocks.  My daughter eating watermelon. I even flashed back to some pictures in my mind.  I wondered what my picture would look like today. Would it be the ten year old clamming or the thirty nine year old watching her family run in the sand?  Today I am going with the clamming.

The Middle

I grew up in an Italian family. Well, ok, I didn't.  Limbacher is hardly Italian.  But I grew up WITH an Italian family - and I am sticking to it. 

In third grade, I met my sister.  As an only child, I got family and siblings from many different sources - cousins, friends, sorority sisters. A new girl, Robyn, had just moved to town and I invited her over.  Her mom dropped her off. To this day, her mom tells us how crazy she thought it was that she dropped her daughter off to someone she did not know at all - we could have been axe-murderers.

Our friendship started in third grade and has continued to this day.  She would hate to admit it - but we are turning forty this year.  She says she is not - that she stayed back - she is only thirty nine.  I say her math is still off but she did have me laughing a lot.

Our moms became sisters, too. Through the ups and downs that life has thrown to all of us, our friendships have endured. We now watch our kids start their friendship.  We laugh at the same stories over and over.  I do not care how many times I hear the "I am from the state of Cape Cod" story or the "I could never eat 8 slices of pizza - cut it in 6 slices" story - I still laugh.

I thought it was the coolest thing to have a cousin Vinny.  I could never get enough of the arguing around the dinner table.  I thought the commotion was perfect.  I loved being in the middle of it all.  My Italian family was larger than life.

This week, we said good bye to the matriarch of the family.  A glorious woman who lived to be almost 102 years.  She was strong in her heart and soul - and she loved her family more than anything, It is evident. It carries on.

We gathered all together to celebrate her life. So much in all of our lives has changed. The kids have grown up. Babies have been born. Kids are now teenagers.  Some marriages have made it - some have not. But despite it all, we all gathered together. It was like old times - but now - clearly new times.

Even though I wish there was a different reason for being there, I feel blessed.  Blessed to be a part of this family. Blessed that my mom and I have been included in their moments and their lives.  I hope that they know how much they all mean to me. Though I would never trade all that I have and all that my family means, I know that I do not need to. I am blessed to have both.

So as I sit here and remember the past few days, I cry a little. Happy and sad cry. Wish things didn't change cry. Happy that they do cry. I think about how many moments in her 102 years that Bobbie must have been happy to be with the family laughing, loving, and just being together. How amidst all of the changes, the ties that bind are still strong.  That being in the middle of it is indeed perfect.

Sayin' It Out Loud

I often step back and think of what it must be like for other people with me having MS. I know. Silly. As if I do not have enough on my plate, I often think about how MS impacts the people around me.

When I was a little girl, we belonged to a pool in town.  Every day in summer, we would go to the pool until what felt like evening.  It was a blast.  I still have great memories of full days of sunning and swimming. 

There was a family who belonged to the pool with a mom with MS.  I did not know what MS was - I was a young girl. I remember being sad as I watched this woman deteriorate into a wheel chair.  I remember hearing grown-ups say MS - not even knowing what they meant and having no idea that I would ever know MS.

Forward, almost 20 years later, and I was diagnosed with MS.  I have to admit my head went right to this woman.  I don't even know if I was fearful of becoming that woman, or fearful because I would never want anyone to be sad for me. As I type, I still do not know.

I do know that I have thought of her many, many times in the last 13 years. I remember when I first started doing daily shots, I used to say to myself "I will swim." After I had kids, I started saying, "I will swim with my kids" as the needle stuck.

I don't think she would be offended.  Even though she could not swim, she has offered me strength.  She showed up.  She was not afraid to go to the pool. She did not stay home.  At the time, there were not therapies to keep her swimming, running, or dancing. Maybe her course would have responded to the current therapies that I take.

Tonight, I finished a video I made for work. I made a video for the graduating eighth grade class. It took me HOURS.  A whole lot of hours.  I put the video on my TV to have a final viewing. I could not help but dance.  My kids and I danced. I did the "Limbacher-Jig" as my Kappa sisters would say. I even tried some of the new cool moves I am too old to know.

My daughter said "You are a good dancer!"
I said "Thanks!"
She then said "You are a good dancer for someone with MS" I half-laughed.  She is 6.

I thought I have more work to do. 

I have to teach her, through my actions, what MS does and does not mean.  That is does not mean you have to stop doing the "Limbacher-Jig"

That is does mean you should make more time to do the "Limbacher-Jig" because you can!

It means I should not set limits. It means I should talk more about MS with my kids. As open as I am, it means I need to share more. I need to calm the little fears, in all of us, that creep up. I need to show up.

As I sit here, my daughter pops in and says "Limbacher-Jig - that rocks!" At this moment, I am just a good dancer who can swim with her kids.  And that is enough.

Garden Party

This year, we are determined to have a garden.  When we lived in our old house we had raised garden beds filled with vegetables.  The peppers were HUGE and the tomatoes were fantastic. There is nothing like the feeling of making a tomato sandwich with a freshly picked tomato.

So, after being in this home three years, Michael decided to move forward and build a raised bed and start planting.  Michael along with his trusty helpers, Michael and Maddie, picked out a huge variety of vegetables. Some that I did not even know existed!

As you can see he positioned the garden in the back of the house in front the back wall that is not finished. Great sunny spot - and close enough to the house that we will not have deer munching on our salad!

I know it is just a garden, but in many ways it is another example of our family getting back to the basics.  We needed to get back to the basics. This year, we have been tested at times. Boy, have we been tested.  But the simple act of being together and watching Michael and the kids plant and care for the garden is rooting our family deeper than any tomato plant.