40

In honor of me today, since it is my birthday, I thought I would post a picture of one of my favorite days at one of my favorite places.  During the summer, we frequent a beach with dear friends. "Float Around Beach" is hands down one of my favorite places in.the.world. The current is such that you start at one point of the large ocean circle and literally float around the entire area.  It is difficult to explain.  It is easier to let go and float. 

I have floated around this location many times.  Sometimes we use boogie boards. Our kids use life jackets. Both grown ups and kids float. Often over and over. "Ready for a float around?" Music to my ears.

In this particular picture, on this particular day, I learned to let go.  Seriously let go.  I can honestly say in all of my days I have never felt so free. It is hard to see, but if you look close you can see I am in full float. I felt as carefree as I look. I could hear the water rushing by and feel it moving my body around. I was not even sure of the direction I was heading. And not even caring.

I think it is a good lesson for me.  Not the not caring part...but the part about not being worried about the direction I was heading.  Sometimes I get caught up in the direction I am going. As long as I am moving forward, I need to let go.

I turned 40 today. I have to say I know it is a hard birthday for some people.  It is not difficult for me.  I don't want to get all MS here, but it is an issue. Fourteen years ago when I was diagnosed with MS, I would not even let myself envision what today would look like. I did not know what tricks my body would pull.  My visions of MS were "old school" - they were worst case scenario Polaroids developing before my eyes.

I am not those Polaroids.  I am strong, positive, and fortunate.  And this is not to say I am without problems. I am. But it is not how I choose to look at it.


I mustered up the strength without breaking down to explain to my husband this morning. That I do not need anything for my birthday - I really do indeed have all that I need.


Some of my girlfriends took me to a wonderful lunch today.  I was truly surprised by it all. I was overwhelmed by their generosity.  Each of these women are so different, but we share so much of the same.  They are "islanders"  If I was to be stuck on a desert island - they are people I would want beside me.  They give to their families, their community, their friends.  They inspire me to be a better person. To listen more. To share more.  I am fortunate that they shared today with me. And in the spirit of not being worried about the direction I am heading, I can honestly say that today I am heading down the right path.

Bump in the Road

Life has been pretty busy on the home front and on the work front.  I find myself missing out on a few of the things that keep me grounded.  Writing on this blog is one of them.

The kiddos are back at school. New grades = New challenges.  Most of them good, a few that have been difficult.  The homework is getting harder for my oldest student.  For the first time, his organization and time management are being put to the test.  And I guess, to be a strong model, so is mine.

For him, the challenge is reading.  In our home, it is overwhelming for him to pick the "just right" book, when you think everyone else is reading "War and Peace."  If he only knew that they aren't - and if they are - they are faking it.  A handful maybe. But a good many are faced with some challenges. They just don't tell anyone. I think it's OK to tell.

I met with the specialist this morning.  She passed many books on to me to have him plow through.  They are easier than his level, but will allow him to self correct and continue to build his foundation.  He will still read his challenging books. His love of books and reading will still be honored.

Well, it went over like a lead balloon.  Tears and frustration.  Lots of tears and frustration.  For the first time, I shared with my son something I ALWAYS say to myself.  This is just a bump in the road.  In fact, I say it so much to myself sometimes I sound like a broken record in my head. This is just a bump in the road.

I remember the first time I said it to myself. I had to get 4 days of IV for my MS.  I allowed myself a pity party. I cried and then I dusted myself off.  Before it started the next afternoon, I read "Night" by Elie Wiesel and decided promptly that my problems were in fact, just a bump in the road.  I continue to believe that. It will be OK.

I believe it for my son, too.  It is a tough lesson to learn when you are nine.  But I can't think of a better time. I wish I had learned it at nine.  I know in my heart if he realizes that this is "just for now" and that he will be on a smooth road again real soon, he will get over this bump stronger and on the right path. It will be OK.

It's All in the Details

I love details. I swoon over all of the little things that make something special. I just love it when someone takes the extra step to do just a little bit more.  It is the little bits that make me the happiest. 

I think my love for details comes from my mom. The way she wraps our Christmas gifts, the way she set a table with special place holder for everyone, even the way she tells her stories.  Her details are what make it stick. Her details make us want to hear the same story over and over.

This past weekend we went to my cousin's wedding. It was glorious.  In fact, it was a whole weekend of specialness.  The touches that someone might zoom past were not lost on me.  From the beautiful candles with everyone's name on it to tell their seat, the hand-designed tote bags with the special town places, to the Americana rehearsal dinner with traditional New England Faire - each touch showed how much they care for all of us and their relationship. That is the thing about the details, the littlest things really do mean so much.

Speaking of details, I have made some changes to my TV room furniture.  Please Pottery Barn - do not be jealous! I read other blogs all the time.  Crazy pastime. But I love hearing other people's stories.  One of my favorites, The Nester, features great home design ideas.  Her perfect mantra "It does not have to be perfect to be beautiful" is sitting perfect with me right now.  I think I would give her a hug if I met her.  She has freed me up.  After seeing her great Pottery-Barnesque slipcovers I made my own.  I downloaded a great e-book on another great blog and started to move.

Well ok, I of course, could not make these on my own. My mom made mostly them. I ordered the fabric, prewashed it, helped cut, helped pin, and ordered pizza. It was a blast.  And the results are pretty darn amazing if I do say so myself.  We did the couch and the ottoman - and we ordered some more fabric to do my over sized chair. 

Author's note: when viewing the photo do not get derailed by the unsightly air conditioner. When you live through renovations, you do not get everything at once. (Heat, yes. Central Air, almost yes. Until then AC)

Now onto my next project.  I have two bookcases that I am going to paint and distress to put in the playroom.  I'll keep you posted....

Don't Blink

This week, our gal hit a milestone when she started riding her bike without training wheels.  Michael and the kids took off to the slice o' life corner to take a bike ride in the church parking lot. It was an exciting day for her. 

Michael had removed her training wheels in the morning - knowing that she was ready.  I do not know if she knew she was ready.  There were not many conversations about being ready. In fact, I do not think there were conversations at all. 

It makes me think this is what happened years and years ago. You just did things.  You did not have a whole bunch of conversations about readiness.  No conversations about how you are feeling.  About making sure you are ok with the decision.  Just go.  Sometimes it just feels right not to over think your every last move and just go.

She took off.  Michael sent me an email at work.

"Well, Maddie has taken off the training wheels and if off riding her bike - next stop village after that - look out world. Taking them to beach for a little while. L, M"

Later that night we all went to see Maddie ride her bike.  Michael on his big kid bike and Michael and I in tow.  Her big brother was so supportive and even showed her some of his moves. Of course, we took a bunch of pictures.

Today, I was cleaning our family room.  I have a spot where a keep some of the mini scrapbooks I have made.  The kids love to "take a peek" over and over.  I must admit, so do I.

I stumbled on one I made when we first moved to town.  Michael was about 6 months younger than Maddie is now. I was struck by the bike shots.  How he has changed.  How he has grown from a little boy to a growing boy. How Maddie was not even on a bike.  How in front of your eyes life moves very fast. How I, of course, already know this, but sometimes need to be reminded.  Don't blink.

Ode to Renovations

Serious Sink - Almost 6 feet long!

Renovations are taxing. They are exciting and frustrating all at the same time. It is exciting to see progress - but it pulls at you and makes you want to see it complete. You know you should not be feeling that entitled, but you cannot help it. It tests your patience.

I still look at kitchen and dining room boxes that have yet to be unpacked. Thankfully they are out of sight - or I would have them open and spread out everywhere.  I will admit, I am quite convinced, that I will find things I do not need at all - or that I cannot even remember I once owned and frequently used.

I sound like a broken record. When we started our renovations we did not intend on building our own kitchen. But we kept coming back to the same thing. We are hung up on a kitchen in an old home renovation magazine. Scratch that. I am hung up. And I guess it is fair to say, Michael is a little hung up, too.

And because Michael is super talented in the building department and because he has more tools than most people know what to do with - we hit the jackpot! 

We (and with that I mean Michael) are building our kitchen. It may take a little longer but, boy is it worth it.

So here we are today. This has been a lesson in the present. Being OK with where you are right now and not focusing on tomorrow or yesterday.

These are some of the cabinet shells -

Doors are done but waiting for hardware to arrive from Rockler.

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On another note, for those of you who have been reading "my slice" for a while, you may remember the euro slicer (Feb 6, 2010 Only in America posting)

Well, I have to admit. I broke down. Kinda.  Michael and I were in Building 19 - a one of a kind discount store - and they had one.  The whole enchilada.  The 4 piece deluxe set for $20. Seriously.  You know I bought it. I mean really have you ever seen veggies cut this perfect? Though I admit it is hard to clearly see with the distraction of the orange Halloween plastic plate.  Just believe me.  You can take this infomercial to the bank. 

Growth

One of my favorite things this summer is our garden. So Fresh. So Simple. So Perfect. So Unpredictable and Predictable all at the same time.

I always delight in "harvesting" our vegetables. I am always amazed at the growth. I seems obvious that plants grow. But I get stuck on the miracle of it. How one day there is no tomato - the next I am eating it right off the vine. That the freshest of vegetables are now on our plates.

It is the stuff that prayers are made of. Bless us, oh Lord, for these thy gifts we are about to receive through thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.

Maybe it is because I work in a catholic school and church - and that this blessing is said at every meal, but I feel blessed to have the bounty. I have a spotlight shining on my bounty and how fortunate I am. We are. We are fortunate for the growth. And it goes far beyond the vegetables.

The spotlight has shined on a lot of this week. I have had to pause and take a deep breath. I am seeing my own growth amidst a very difficult situation. I have been tested. I am still in the middle of the test.

I know in my heart that I will grow. No - this is not life or death, no this is not illness, no this is not my worst day with MS, and Yes, I will get through the valley. Maybe only after I see the gift in it.

Crab Hunters!

Summer is in full swing! We are blessed with wonderful friends and family and together we have enjoyed many full days of swimming at the beach, boating to the spit, and splashing at the pool.

I remember days like this from when I was younger. I spent day after day at the beach with my cousins. We would spend hours hunting for crabs in a large rocky section of the beach in the town I grew up in.

We would build crab hospitals - we would search in the tide pools for the perfect location. We would lift up the rocks and hope for the movement of the water underneath - a sign that a crab was burying itself further in the sand. As if that would stop our young hands from grabbing it.

When we got one we would keep it in the tide pool and we would feed the little fella mussels that we would smash open with rocks.

I can still remember the feeling of the rocks on my feet. The excitement of walking out on the rocks and the slight fear as I wobbled on a seaweed rock. Gripping the rock with my feet to keep steady and avoid a fall. The anticipation of lifting - almost prying up the rock - and looking for the perfect crab. The joy of calling out to the cousins that we found one.

My kids are at the "crab hunter" stage. They get as excited now as I did when I was younger to find and pick up the perfect crab.

And though we go to a different beach now, they have found "their rocks" - they have found their special place of building castles, searching for crabs, and enjoying the ocean. I still get excited when I hear them call. I almost feel that Melissa or Ricky, my cousins, will pop up to see for themselves and join in on the fun.

In a few weeks we will have that joy. The next generation of cousins will be in town to celebrate our cousin's wedding. We will hopefully have a day at the beach - and our kids will share great times together just like the joy and fun the older set shared.

I look forward to laughing and sharing our stories. And I am happy they will have the chance to build their own "cousin stories" as I know first-hand how important they are and how much they fill your soul.