Entitlement...Get Over It!

I am blogging again.  I have to admit I took a break for the last two months.  It is not as if I really wanted to - I just couldn't get it together.  I would start to write and I would be blocked.  Rather funny since I write at work most of the day.

It finally hit me today.  I was sitting down on the couch with our kitten in my lap relaxing.  My mom took the kids as I have been having some problems with my MS in my eye and she wanted to give me a few hours to myself.  I was thinking of a conversation I had recently and how I was complaining that it felt like the universe was colliding with me.  My boss, a priest, said maybe it is.  I was a little stunned and a touch annoyed.  I never thought of that.  And I did not even process the thought until this afternoon.

Here I am worried and complaining to myself about my husband being laid off from work over a year ago, how worried I am that we are going to go through all of the emergency savings, how tired I am, how much I have to do for the PSO, how scared I get when my MS acts up and I lose some vision, how our renovations seem like they will never be done, how I don't have time to do the creative things I love...it goes on.

I even confessed I am a little mad at God.  And then it hit me.  Why do I think I am entitled to have everything work out the way I think it should work out?

Here I am praying each day for strength and yet I still need to be in control. I am trying to hold it all together, and all the while the outside me is so positive but the inside feels like an egg about to drop. Why can't I let go and believe that there is another plan? Maybe the next steps will be as good if not better than the old steps. I guess that is what faith is - and it just took me a while to get the message.