Sayin' It Out Loud

I often step back and think of what it must be like for other people with me having MS. I know. Silly. As if I do not have enough on my plate, I often think about how MS impacts the people around me.

When I was a little girl, we belonged to a pool in town.  Every day in summer, we would go to the pool until what felt like evening.  It was a blast.  I still have great memories of full days of sunning and swimming. 

There was a family who belonged to the pool with a mom with MS.  I did not know what MS was - I was a young girl. I remember being sad as I watched this woman deteriorate into a wheel chair.  I remember hearing grown-ups say MS - not even knowing what they meant and having no idea that I would ever know MS.

Forward, almost 20 years later, and I was diagnosed with MS.  I have to admit my head went right to this woman.  I don't even know if I was fearful of becoming that woman, or fearful because I would never want anyone to be sad for me. As I type, I still do not know.

I do know that I have thought of her many, many times in the last 13 years. I remember when I first started doing daily shots, I used to say to myself "I will swim." After I had kids, I started saying, "I will swim with my kids" as the needle stuck.

I don't think she would be offended.  Even though she could not swim, she has offered me strength.  She showed up.  She was not afraid to go to the pool. She did not stay home.  At the time, there were not therapies to keep her swimming, running, or dancing. Maybe her course would have responded to the current therapies that I take.

Tonight, I finished a video I made for work. I made a video for the graduating eighth grade class. It took me HOURS.  A whole lot of hours.  I put the video on my TV to have a final viewing. I could not help but dance.  My kids and I danced. I did the "Limbacher-Jig" as my Kappa sisters would say. I even tried some of the new cool moves I am too old to know.

My daughter said "You are a good dancer!"
I said "Thanks!"
She then said "You are a good dancer for someone with MS" I half-laughed.  She is 6.

I thought I have more work to do. 

I have to teach her, through my actions, what MS does and does not mean.  That is does not mean you have to stop doing the "Limbacher-Jig"

That is does mean you should make more time to do the "Limbacher-Jig" because you can!

It means I should not set limits. It means I should talk more about MS with my kids. As open as I am, it means I need to share more. I need to calm the little fears, in all of us, that creep up. I need to show up.

As I sit here, my daughter pops in and says "Limbacher-Jig - that rocks!" At this moment, I am just a good dancer who can swim with her kids.  And that is enough.