Out of My Control

On Tuesday, I had an MRI. People with MS get used to MRIs. Every year or so, I get one to get a benchmark on how my MS is doing. I truthfully try my hardest not to think about it - not in a denial kind of way but in a "I know this is out of my control" kind of way. However, I do not think it is good to get one days before Christmas. I had an hour and a half in the MRI to think about how it is not good to get one a few days before Christmas. But it did put into reality that things are out of my control.

I listened to the radio during the test - and laughed to myself a few times. The radio was on it's last minute shopping commercials and would say... "Want the perfect gift for Dad?" and yeah, sure I need a gift for Dad..but as soon as the answer started so did the machine...beep, beep, beep, babababa. I guess I will never know! I am sticking to fudge for Dad. It ties me to my grandmother this time of year - and I like that feeling.

I spent the time, playing every game I know. I imagined myself on Survivor and tried to work through the annoying pain in my head from not moving for so long. I beat Russell and won the money. I played the whole, we made a mistake you do not have MS game. I played the whole the place is on fire how the heck to I get out of the thing with my head strapped in the cage game. I even dosed amidst the banging and rattling. After a long hour and a half, I was free to leave the MRI. Wobbly at best, I was able to go home. And I forgot to mention, I also played the I need a filet o' fish right now game and thankfully got one on the way home!

Today, Christmas Eve day, my Dr called to say he reviewed the MRI. He said there were no new spots in my spine and there were a few new in my head(microscopic)that were active - not producing symptoms though and we should keep my routine the same. I asked if this is basically good news - he confirmed basically good news. I started crying after I got off the phone. I think I was more worried than I realized. In a year when we are keeping gifts light, I got the gift I could never have even imagined.